Dear Santa,

I'm so glad I don't understand that 'elf on the shelf' thing just yet. An elf watching me and reporting back to you every night for a month sounds scary. Glad I have another year to clean my act up before you send an elf to my house.

All I really want for Christmas this year are more baseballs, footballs, basketballs, bouncy balls, etc...

Oh, and some of those balls that are hanging on my Christmas tree, because once again this year, my momma won't let me play with them.

Also, I'd love some of those round plastic things on the inside of the cabinets at my house. Mom says they keep the doors from slamming so hard. I think they are for eating. I get a fair amount of spankings for biting those things off (not to mention, they are stuck on there pretty good...it's hard on these teeth). You'd save my little tushy a lot of pain if you'd bring me some of my own to chew on.

Please fill my stocking with a lot of candy. My mom isn't too generous with that either. That stuff tastes so good, and I have to pee pee or poo poo on the potty to get any of it. You can only do that potty stuff so many times a day, ya know? I need my own stash.

Remember last year I was eating dog food.

I've grown up since then.

I'm eating crayons now.

Please, Santa?

I know my momma won't get my any.

Last thing, big guy, I really need some new books. I don't know who, but someone tore all of the pages out of mine. Bad boy, whoever it was.

Thanks, Santa. I'm really thinking about being a good boy until Christmas.

Thinking hard about it.

Your Favorite,

LeyBo